Any gifts went into the wedding basket for safe keeping. Its a touching symbol of the coming together of two families and it gives the couple the opportunity to acknowledge the people who helped raise them. When serving, you must say, [kinship term], please drink the tea.. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. On the flipside, its an opportunity for those close family members to personally and formally express their happiness, best wishes, and congratulations to the couple. ), Tea drinkers (the family members being recognized! This actually worked out, as many Chinatown dressmakers were closed this past year. The ancient role, literally big aunt-sister in Cantonese and dubbed bridal chaperone in English by Au, was once an indispensable part of southern Chinese weddings. 16 Bilingual Wedding Invitations That Can be Customized to Your Needs. We wanted to make sure it was done right. Kaitlin is the younger daughter/sister in The Woks of Life family. 5. MORE. The bride will come out from the room and hold a tray of sweet tea, led by a "good fortune woman" who is married with a healthy, living husband and sons. For guests of a tea ceremony, there is no formal dress code, and it is really up to the discretion of the couple. 2. Youll also need space for the couple to kneel on pillows in front of the chair, which is the customary and most respectful way for the tea to be served. Theres quite a bit of coordination involved, so you may want to build it into your plan! A stovetop or electric kettle for boiling water and brewing the tea. Kneeling while serving the tea is part of the etiquette, says Au. Im so glad you found it helpful, Yuet! We also moved furniture out of the way to clear a space for chairs where the tea drinkers would sit. if you have larger groups), the bride and groom should serve a cup of tea together to one individual at a time. This is not a requirement and there is no bad luck associated with this. Itd also be nice to have your attendants learn an auspicious expression or two to say for the ceremony. There is no set time for this, says Au. When Sarah was planning her wedding, one of the biggest questions on our minds was the Chinese wedding tea ceremony part of the day. It was a mix of Bills mothers gold and jade jewelrytaken out of storage for this special occasion onlyand some gold pieces that were gifts when Sarah was born with her Chinese zodiac animal on them. Delivering the betrothal giftsA tribute officer (usually the grooms uncle) will take betrothal gifts from the car. The groom will give him a red packet afterwards. A Chinese tea set something red and cheerful with a double happiness character () is ideal. According to the traditional customs and etiquettes of making a betrothal proposal, a matchmaker will visit the bride's family and make the proposal on behalf of the groom's family. Then the tea ceremony can take place with each side of the family. She will also put her gifts all together and present them to the groom. Sarah and Justin then offered the tea to the tea drinkersi.e., the family members taking part in the ceremony. Do I give something (jewelry) to the groom? Meanwhile, the groom and his relatives should put a red packet into their empty teacups and then put it on the tea tray, which is called, red packet as dowry. The bride will then collect the teacups. Again, with modern day and multicultural weddings, you should certainly feel free to put your own spin on traditions that feel right for you! This is because traditionally, the bride was absorbed into the mans family and was recognized as such first by the grooms family. Disclaimer: We say bride and groom throughout this post, but this guidance couldand definitely should!be reinterpreted as desired for Chinese LGBTQIA+ couples and their families! Symbolic cash in auspicious amounts (e.g., lucky numbers like $88) for the couples future is most common.Two red envelopes should be preparedone for the bride and one for the groom. Journal for Early Modern Cultural Studies. When the bridal car is about the depart, the bride will throw out a paper fan (with a red envelope and a handkerchief tied to the end of the fan) for her younger brother or sister to pick it up. Worshipping ancestors After the brides family receives the betrothal gifts, the good fortune woman will ignite joss sticks in front of the ancestor tablets and hand them over to the parents of the bride, the groom and the bride. And if I give a lei-si, do I give each bride and groom a lei of $8, $88 or etc to each or one big lei-di to both? The bride will then give a red packet to the tribute officer. When bridesmaids enter the bridal room, the groom will give them red envelopes. Thank you so much, Marilyn! The wedding officiators from the bride's family sit in the hall, and the bride and the groom kneel in front of the them. They both need to bend their middle fingers so that the ring does not slip to the bottom of the finger. Its important for the bride to put these on right away, advises Au. I actually got it from Bergdorf Goodman or some other department store online! And as for lei-si, you should prepare 2, 1 for bride and 1 for groom at the tea ceremony. the bride's head as she walks to the bridal car. Hello! 9. So we thought it was a good time to break down an important Chinese traditionthe Chinese wedding tea ceremonyfor couples out there who are in the midst of planning their celebrations. Thank you so much for this FYI which I hurriedly googled when I learned that I am invited to a Chinese wedding tea ceremony in a few days. Its not entirely up to the couple, though. The water-splashing ritual takes place behind the bridal car. Its so important to keep these traditions alive and I know it was a crash course for us so we had to share! Handler-Spitz, R.Seeking Truth and Exposing Falsehood in Early Modern Prose Collections, or Seeing Faces in Pansies? The banquet marks the perfect ending of the betrothal ritual. In Chinese, the expression drinking a daughter-in-laws teawhich references the tea ceremonyoften represents a wedding, which goes to show just how important this tradition is to this day. You dont need a dai kum jeh for this, though. After the bride's mother put the bridal flower on the bride, the bride's father will put down the bride's veil. She goes on to note that this is especially so for the grooms side of the family. (As is the case with many Chinese wedding traditions, the grooms family takes precedence over the brides.) So glad this was helpful, Lucille! Tap here to receive our FREE top 25 recipe book! Its a big tradition (probably THE Chinese wedding tradition). Where did you get your dress for the tea ceremony? Best wishes for lifelong happiness together :). You could alternate families for exampleserving the brides parents, then the grooms parents, then the brides grandparents, then the grooms grandparents, etc. The bride should sit on a high chair facing outward with her feet resting on a small, round stool in the hall of the house (if the groom is to bear the bride's family name, then the bride should face inward). This is said to bring fertility to the couple. Traditionally, the brides family. The groom will put a ring on the right middle finger of the bride and the bride will also put a ring on his right middle finger. For more than 2 individuals (i.e. Leaving the grooms placeAfter the groom worships his ancestors, he and his family will carry the betrothal gifts before heading to the brides place. The Chinese tea ceremony for Sarah and her partner Justin was also an opportunity to recognize Justins Jewish upbringing, as they paired the tea ceremony with a Ketubah signing. presented by the groom's family and place them inside red wooden wedding chests brought by the groom's family. (Read about the door games in Sarahs wedding post.) Address the family members you are serving tea to in kinship terms, and hand them the teacup with both hands. NEED VENDOR DETAILS, PACKAGE DEALS, OR PRICE INFO? Both families are involved to officially acknowledge the engagement and give their blessings, and the couple will exchange grand gifts during the engagement ceremony, before proceeding to plan the wedding. It means: I am marrying into this family, I will show my respect by serving tea to the elders, adds Au. If desired, you can augment the tea with dried Chinese fruits like nuts and dates and dried herbal flower teas for extra flavor. As long as there are a lot of colorful candies, red envelopes, fruits, nuts, a red dress, and some laughter, Id consider it a successful and happy tea ceremony. Of course, I will give a bigger lei-si (?) The bride's mother-in-law will put gold jewelries on the bride as a way of greeting and accepting the bride. I assisted Sarah and Kim assisted Justin. Theres no need for extra chairs for sitting unless there are elderly family members present. Gold jewelry is a traditional gift for the bride (usually given by closer family members like parents and grandparents). The gesture symbolizes throwing away her bad temper before entering marriage. Let's dive deeper into the processes of the engagement ceremony in Taiwan: 1. The roles of preppers, runners, and servers are usually fulfilled by bridesmaids, in this case our cousins! The couple and their families select these based on the Chinese almanac, or consultations with Feng Shui specialists. The groom's entourage will unload the wedding gifts in the car and present them to the bride's family and relatives while an elder from the bride's family leads the groom's entourage into the living room. Typically a woman, the dai kum jeh guides the bride in navigating through customs. This is really up to the discretion of the couple and the couples parents, but a quick rundown is: parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles of the couple, aunts and uncles of the parents (as desired), and optionally, siblings of the bride and groom, close first cousins, and close family friends, godparents, or parental figures. 3. Sometimes logistics dictate how things go more than tradition! No one has time or the inclination to sit there and blow on their tea so it can cool. If your mother-in-law wanted you to kneel, then you wouldn't want to say no to that, says Au. When a dai kum jeh is hired, she handles this part while also saying auspicious expressions. She's worked in research for nearly two decades. I think I got it on significant sale or clearance (at least 50% off; I remember being happy that my size was one of the few left). Were Bill, Judy, Sarah, and Kaitlin a family of four cooks sharing our home-cooked and restaurant-style recipes. Lotus Seeds (, linz): These also represent fertility, or the hope of having many sons/children in the future. 1. One of the brides younger male relatives should open the door for the groom, and carry a water basin for the groom to wash and wipe his hands. Afterwards, the mother-in-law and the bride should begin calling each other "mother" and Do the tea drinkers have to finish the tea in their cup? Other relatives can help with putting on the jewelry. In Hong Kong, where the majority of weddings feature a blend of Chinese and western customs, the tea ceremony for the brides side is conducted at her family home in the morning, when tradition calls for the groom and his groomsmen to go and pick her up. Then I (Kaitlin) poured the tea into the cups for the next round of relatives, and Kim and I passed the tea to Sarah and Justin. Then it would be best to put it on straight away so as not to offend. The groom's family will hold a wedding banquet to treat the friends and relatives, which marks a perfect ending of the wedding ceremony. The same order is followed for grandparents and other relatives. Some say that the gold jewelry should be put on right away, but it may be enclosed in the red envelopes along with money, and its not strictly necessary unless someone is presenting it outright. Plus, Sarah is the first of our generation of cousins to get married, so there werent many references to go to when Sarah was in the thick of wedding planning! I cant remember exactly wherebought it over a year ago now. Ideally, you want nicer chairs for the tea drinkers to sit in. Hong Kong-based Sharon Au established her eponymous wedding consultancy, providing professional dai kum jeh services, in 1993. The groom and the matchmaker should get out of the bridal car first. Traditionally, the tea ceremony takes place the morning of the actual wedding, but in terms of changing timing, it really depends on what the elders thinkif theyre ok with it, go for it! Its also an expression of gratitude from the couples part. Grandparents who wanted to be comfortable in the summer heat wore lighter outfits. There is no strict rule these days, but generally the tea is served to the Grooms family, followed by the Brides family. tea milk hong kong stocking silk competition typepad xiu cha bao Tea runners, cup washers and tea brewers. A polite, standard phrase is [Family member name / Chinese kinship term], please have some tea.. hall of the house. Symbolic imagery with the pairing of a dragon and phoenix is also ideal. Sarah and Justin went the slightly more modern route with a peony-print high-neck red dress, and a charcoal suit with a red tie. Doing this in one go, says Au, is the best way. But things are also flexible; if there is a lunch banquet, for example, you can also do the ceremony there. After 2020, theres a huge backlog of delayed nuptials set to happen over the next two years. as a wedding gift. Translation, if some of your tea attendants are on the clumsy side, maybe give them another job! Our cousins Chris and Steph were in the kitchen brewing the tea and washing cups. The bride's entourage can enter the bridal room for photographs with the newlyweds. Meanwhile, the bride's sisters or confidantes must obstruct the groom, refusing him the bride's presence unless he passes their tests. It usually happens at the homes of the bride and groom (brides family at the brides home and grooms family at the grooms home). Tea is offered individually by both the bride and groom. Thank you Morgan! the bride's home accompanied by the matchmaker. Red dates, lotus seeds, and lily are added to the tea; the first signifies luck, the second symbolizes the arrival of children, and the Chinese name of the lily flower rhymes with an expression meaning marriage longevity. Its customary for the bride to wear a red satin or silk dress for the tea ceremony with gold accents and gold jewelry. Therefore, if any of the two mothers belong to this zodiac sign, she should not touch the couple. For many Chinese couples, activities on their wedding day are centered around the auspicious hour for them to take place. As you can see from the photos, we are not all too formal of a family! taiwanese holding shutterstock (This is a good time to have your photographer taking portraits with each group.) After the newlyweds enter the hall, the officiators from the groom's family will accompany them to make offerings to the groom's ancestors. Andrea Lo is a Hong Kong-based freelance journalist specializing in local culture, food and drink, travel, design, and architecture. Kaitlin, thank you so much for this post! We did ours in 45 minutes. If I am giving the bride jewelry, and a lei-si. The groom's family will set off a long roll of firecrackers to welcome the bride as the bridal fleet move closer to the destination. Decide who you will want as attendants, as well as locations for the ceremony. the left and women on the right, first making offerings to gods and then to ancestors. A younger member from the bride's family will open the car door for the groom while presenting a tea tray (with apples and tangerines wrapped with red paper). Theres quite a bit of kitchen coordination involved in preparing the tea and getting it into the hands of the bride and groom. :) Thanks for your kind words. Upon the end of the banquet, the grooms side should leave first. A smaller amount of lucky money may be given in addition to a larger amount as an overall wedding gift.. You can ask a relative to be an attendant, but Au says this can sometimes be awkward if they are also recipients of the tea. other's middle finger (groom the left hand, and bride the right). The officiators will inform the gods which family member is getting married on that day and pray for gods and ancestors to bless and protect his family with lasting prosperity and domestic Enjoy the wedding! When a woman marries and brings tea as part of her dowry, we see she is loyal to one. From this passage, we get a glimpse of what tea used to symbolize in unions in those days: faithfulness from a woman to her betrothed. ", The bride's uncle will light the incense for the newlyweds and the family to make offerings to the bride's ancestors. MORE. Not at all, and its not frowned upon either way. A Chinese red tea (known in the West as a black tea) is a safe, crowd-pleasing choice. Red Dates (, hngzo): These add sweetness to the tea and symbolize the sweetness of the couples marriage, as well as prosperity and good fortune. The couple, their parents, and close family members such as grandparents, aunts, and uncles. The groom's family will prepare and place the six gifts in wedding chests on the wedding day and load them onto the car (if betrothal and wedding ceremonies are held on the same day). alexandreweddings It has given me plenty of insight for organizing a tea ceremony for my daughters up coming wedding. The father of the groom is served by the groom, then by the bride. Interested in listing wedding packages with Asia Wedding Network. Others might choose to go without it altogether. However, in Chinese tradition, the Tiger zodiac sign conflicts with wedding events. Notoriously unable to follow a recipe (usually preferring to freestyle it), Kaitlin's the family artist, knitter, master of all things chili oil/condiments, and trailblazer of creative recipes with familiar flavors. After the tea ceremony, the good fortune woman will lead the bride to the room. The groom's family will invite the bride's entourage into the house and properly seat them down. 4. The The groom and the bride will exchange rings and put the ring on each The matchmaker will feed them sweet soup with glutinous rice balls, longans and red dates, which denotes the sweet Particularly if everyone you want to participate in the tea ceremony will be at the rehearsal dinner. Its an Italian brand called Chiara Boni. The groom gets out of the car with the bridal bouquet after giving the young family member a red envelope and enters You can prepare the first batch of tea in advance, but you will likely need more, so adjust water temperature accordingly. So this is our definitive guide, fresh in our minds from earlier this summer for anyone looking to conduct a Chinese wedding tea ceremony! What an interesting and informative article. 12 Chinese Wedding Traditions You Need to Know, AAPI Couples On Celebrating Their Love and Traditions at Their Weddings, Ringing in the Vows: AAPI Wedding Pros on Love, Tradition, Culture, and Heritage, 13 Filipino Wedding Traditions You Need to Know, A Grand, Multi-Day Wedding with an Intimate Guest List in Florence, 9 Korean Wedding Traditions You Need to Know, 16 Mexican Wedding Traditions You Need to Know, An Easy Breakdown of Wedding Ceremony Outline, 10 Christian Wedding Ceremony Traditions You Need to Know, Everything You Need to Know About the Korean Paebaek Ceremony, 10 Common Wedding-Related Events and Parties to Know About, 43 Fascinating Wedding Traditions From Around the World. Then we took the used teacups and placed them on a tray for Jen to run back to the kitchen for washing. The Chinese tea ceremony was included in rehearsals the day before the wedding. This is important for the couple to discuss with their parents and family beforehand, so there arent any awkward or confused silences! What goes in the tea? Elders from the groom's side will sit in the hall as the bride serves them tea and calls them by their familial titles. So each individual should receive a total of 2 cups. When the tea was ready, Jen filled the ceremonial pot in the kitchen and walked it back to the tea ceremony room as the tea ceremony was already in progress. Step 2: Tea is first served to the grooms parents, and then to other relatives/elders in descending age order or level of closeness: Step 3: Tea is served to the brides family (same as above). The mother of the groom is then served by the groom, then by the bride. 10. In the end, though, everything went smoothly, and even our 102-year-old great grandma was very happy with all the wedding activities! For the groom, its customary to wear either a traditional Chinese red mandarin collar jacket and pants, or, if youd like to keep things more modern, a suit (often different from the wedding suit) with a red tie. The engagement ceremony is a momentous event prior to the wedding, as it symbolizes that the couple is mentally ready to commit to the future! conducting "nazai," the groom's family will prepareMORE. Thank you for such an informative article. Symbolic bowls of dried dates, nuts, and candies, Two pillows, one for each person getting married to kneel on as a sign of respect, 5-6 chairs, for the tea receivers to sit on chairs should be moved in and out depending on the size of the group being served (anywhere from 1 individual to 6 aunts and uncles, for example), Optional: a Chinese wedding basket for placing gifts into, Tea preppers (brewing the tea and washing the cups, usually bridesmaids/groomsmen, siblings, cousinsbe sure to avoid breaking any china, as its considered inauspicious. This can also be an opportunity to give the primary wedding gift, but it does not have to be. ! The two tangerines should be saved to be peeled by the bride that evening, which will bring longevity. According to Seven Revisions by Chinese writer Ying Lang (1487-1566) documenting current affairs and happenings in society: The tea plant cannot be transplanted, and after transplantation, it shall not live. Cherisse Harris is a fact-checker with a focus on lifestyle, beauty, and parenting. Yours was beautiful! Let's say there was a big family with 50 relatives participating, then you can't really rush it.. When give her the bridal bouquet after he and the best men pass the tests and usher the bride into the hall. At an auspicious hour, the bride is ushered out of the hall (without stepping on the doorsill) supported by the groom and the Hao Ming Po. Returning of giftsAfter receiving the betrothal gifts from the groom, the bride will have to give some gifts as well. I am 3rd generation Chinese American, and so refreshing to see this observed by younger brides. I declare that I am a wedding professional. Hi there, yes of course you could! There was also a table for placing the tea set and gifts. The groom should assist the bride get out by supporting her together with the matchmaker, who will be holding a rice sieve (or a black umbrella) above the newlyweds' heads and escorting the bride into the josh wan warmowski tiffany steve transformer served pillow rings fan movies The more the merrier when it comes to the jewelry! A funny question that came up often in preparing for the tea ceremony was what the appropriate Chinese honorifics for various family members were. For example, the bride may serve one parent and the groom the other parent, and then they may switch so that both parents have received one cup of tea each from the bride and groom (two cups total). That said, we did some research on Chinese websites and consulted with older aunts and uncles, and found that traditions can vary by region, or from family to family. Sarah also wore a deep green jade bangle that Justins mom had acquired on her travels to China many years ago. The grooms mother will dress the bride with gold necklaces and bracelets, while the brides mother will put the gold necklace on the groom. Unlike some other Chinese wedding customs, which can be done on a different day, the tea ceremony will likely take place on the day. Learn how your comment data is processed. The wedding day is packed with a lot of things, can the bride & groom have the Tea Ceremony during the rehearsal dinner which would be the night before the wedding day? PHOTO BY DAVID BASTIANONI, PLANNING BY EVENTS BY PAULINA / Design by Zackary Angeline. In a nutshell, the brides family usually organizes and hosts this ceremony. Then, the groom can lift the bridal veil, and the newlyweds will have a sip of wine with their arms intertwined. All of the nuts and fruits should be whole, as nothing symbolically should be missing or broken. My husband and I participated in this tradition, back in 1977, yet cant remember much protocol, smiles! Please contact team@asiaweddingnetwork.com, whatsapp +852 5976 8089, or LINE asiaweddingnetwork, for further assistance! The tea cups were handed back to Sarah and Justin, who passed the cups to Kim and I. The origins of the tea ceremony go as far back as the Tang dynasty in China (618-907). When the two sides exchange their wedding rings, the good fortune woman will say words with auspicious meanings. Hi Gardenia, usually the bride gets the jewelry, not the groom. Seeking Truth and Exposing Falsehood in Early Modern Prose Collections, or Seeing Faces in Pansies. Another popular choice is candied lotus seeds. After a given individual receives and drinks the tea, they should offer their gift of lai seered envelopesof money and/or gold jewelry for the bride and speak a few words to the couple as they desire. We also placed some flower arrangements behind the tea ceremony area with large bowls of whole in-shell walnuts, Chinese dates, whole peanuts, fresh longans, and wrapped Chinese candies. I really love how youve planned ahead and had basically a team of people in the background to help make the process run smoothly. What do You Wear to a Chinese Tea Ceremony? Upon arriving at the groom's home, the pace car should set off firecrackers to inform the groom's family of the coming joy. Here are some additions, and their associated symbolism: As you can see, you do have to sweat the little details a bit, but remember to have fun. She will also ignite a firecracker to welcome the grooms party. The officiators will advise the newlyweds to live in harmony and love. Im glad we could bring back some good memories :) :) :).